Most poeple don't really understand depression or how it works.  They think it is in our heads and I am sure some of it is.. but for a lot of us it manifests itself in real physical symptoms..  mine is usually in the right side of my chest.. for a long time I thought I was having heart attacks but my doctor said it was just muscles spasming as a result of a panic attack in my chest.  Today I went to my old job to get my EI form so I can get some money for leaving because of depression... before I left my old boss tried to tell me that it was in my head.. that it was just because I couldn't deal with reality.  Truth was going to work for a boss who berates you, and everyone else in the office probably was the biggest contributing factor to depression.  You might argue I deserved to be berated... you might argue I am an idiot... but the truth was the things I requested were just things other companies did.  Like Webex to reduce travel costs, like video tutorials with sound... I still remember my boss saying peopel who watched videos were lazy...even though it took 5 minutes in video and an hour to do things another way.   My boss was always like that... always living in their own world unable to come to grips with reality.  They could care less about the internet.. making claims that nobody finds them online without ever looking at the analytics..  Always find some excuse not to change.  When the recession hit it was the sales peoples fault not the fact that nobody had any money.  If the company wanted an ROI well it was because they were lazy and didn't really like our product even though common sense tells you that when a company has less money they likely will want to justify expenditures... 

I feel broken today going outside..