I don't know the exact date and really don't want to google my inbox..  my two dogs are laying on my floor asleep.  I so enjoy sleeping dogs.  I think I know what you meant about dogs not respecting your space.  It is a difficult thing to get work done around a dog.  My mom tells me all the time that I am responsible for my dogs bad behavior.  I am like what did you expect from a guy who wants around in 2 feet of snow in shorts and a big huge jacket.   I have hairy legs.  Figure god made my legs able to handle the cold.  There is the sound of a train in the background.  

Happy birthday Asha... In my heart I pray you know my thoughts are with you.. I am only silent because it is no longer my place and to send it would make me more pathetic than I have been I suppose.  Sometimes the kindest thing I can do is say nothing and ... bury the unspoken words of love deep down far.. far far away.. I so can go dark when it comes to you.  If I sent this letter I would feel pathetic.  I don't want to feel that way.  I don't want to give you the power to rip my heart from my chest like you did over and over again like some uncaring bitch.. maybe I was the ass that caused it by showing the worst parts of me right away.   It is the curse of the I am an idiot.  Maybe I wanted to hurt you emotionally like you hurt me... maybe I want you to feel the pain that never has gone away.. how you took me in, played me like a fiddle and spit me on the street when you scared the shit out of me by.. and yet it can still be my fault.. all perspectives are possible.. too many variables.. I don't have the answers to why it ended.. why..

likely a good idea I did not send this.  don't worry none of this is real.  you are a brain in the vat and this is just electrical impulses.  If you find you are an impulsive person it likely means you are mentally ill.  Sure the credit card companies for playing on your mental illness.  They call me carrivagio.. I am a poet mad scientist who doesn't write poetry anymore.