Sometimes it takes a friend being cruel to truly love you.  There have been two woman in my life who loved me enough to be cruel so I might find my way.  See happiness cannot be found in another.  Happiness can only be found when it is found within us.  When we start to take control of our lives and look inside us for strength.  I am starting to find that... something inside me which I had lost.  Will.. but for at least moment I have will inside me and so I have hope.  Today I turned down sex.  It is the first time in my life where I said no.  I want more than this for life..